Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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