nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
