He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
