If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
