Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
