I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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