Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
