my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
