i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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