Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
