My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
