she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i came on her dog
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
