I'm really into asian looking animals
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
