I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
