I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
