Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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