____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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