He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
