He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
