got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I would ride that face into the sunset
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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