Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
