I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
