so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
