evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
