So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
