We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
