So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
