Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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