Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You made out with two different species that night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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