So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
