on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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