Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
