Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
