I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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