Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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