I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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