I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
