So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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