I wish I could punch you in the face.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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