Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
