So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
bring money and cleavage
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
