You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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