He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Terrible idea I love it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
