There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
