Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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