this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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