Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
