he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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