you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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