I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
