i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
