This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
