I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
