You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
