I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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